Just For Fun.

Dear Mucinex, 

Your ridiculous snot people set off a series of events in my day that I will not soon forget. You see, my young granddaughter, whom I’m babysitting for five days, needed a child’s solution to a bad cough. Not wanting to give her much in the way of OTC medication, I chose one of your lighter products. And the story should end here with a simple thank you. 

But wait. There is more. On the box of said product is one of your grotesque snot people. “It’s a bumble bee,” I said evasively when my grandchild questioned me. I didn’t have my glasses on. It seemed close enough. It’s a kid product after all. She replied, “But it doesn’t look like a bumble bee.”

Holding your product at arm’s length, and determined to avoid the obvious, I said, “It’s a frog in clothes.” 

Mystified, she asks, “But WHY is it a frog?” Realizing this is quickly going bad, I try to explain “it’s just an expression” to a 5-year-old who is now horrified that this medicine will literally put a frog in her throat. 

It’s bedtime and the medicine is needed. More questions about frogs. So I decide to go logical. I say to this sweet, innocent, impressionable child, “OK, OK, it’s a snot man.” This is apparently worse than a frog. She simply can’t ingest a snot man. 

”No, no, my darling, it’s make believe. Snot men don’t exist.” She queries further, “But why would someone make up a snot man?” Hoping to go over her head I throw out one word: capitalism. This does not satisfy so I explain, “It’s for, you know, a commercial like you see on TV.”

It’s now past bedtime so I determine to cut to the chase and show her a 30 second snot people video—the one in which a snot people band is playing. At the end, she declares,

Her: “I DO NOT LIKE THAT VIDEO!” And then this conversation ensues:
Me: But it’s just pretend. 
Her: Why did you show me that? Now that’s all I can think of. I don’t want those snot people inside me. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT.
Me: Honey, they aren’t real. Snot is real. It’s what you blow out of your nose. But there are no snot people. You do not have snot people inside you. 
Her (now wailing): I want my mom!
Me: Sigh. 

Guess who is sleeping with me tonight? Guess who is now kicking me regularly through the night? Guess which tiny little creature is taking up most of my king sized bed?

You guessed it. A little girl who is convinced she has a band of horrible snot people inside her. 

My dearest Mucinex—might I suggest you give it another go in what must be riveting product advertising discussions. 

Sincerely,
A tired grandma who should have stuck with the bumble bee explanation